First get your mind off the trilogy.
We all tend to gravitate to a way of thinking and being. I struggle however to define myself, in the past or the present. But I know that I tend to value the finer colours on the spectrum between black and white thinking but that in the darker moments of my life I run to the extremes and find comfort there. Being “nearly” vegan is for me is about being comfortable in the grey. I get thrown off by the fundamentalist vegans proselytising their way of life, as if it is the only valid one. Unfortunately right now with the state of animal welfare and factory farms its hard to see a world where the omnivore can also be making choices that do right by the animals we have been granted to help sustain us. That said, I do have a good idea of what I value, of the verb or descriptor I would most like to guide my life, and that is to be.
I take mindful moments whenever I can. those three deep breaths before entering a meeting, the concerted awareness of letting the phone ring before answering it.
But if you asked me to just sit with myself all day, I would have a hard time, not being with my thoughts, my meditative practice and some traditional therapy has taught me that thinking and feeling are not forcibly bad experiences, because I am a mover, I don’t do sitting still very well. Thankfully my mindfulness guide taught me not to judge myself for being fidgety, that even the fidgety can meditate. I am aware and I accept my limits, a 10 day silent meditation retreat is not for me right now where I am.
I have said this before in another way
I am who I am, and that is okay.